Spring Fever
by dytabytes
Summary: Ratbat learns about 'biology' the hard way. Amusingly enough, no porn is involved.    Prompt: Any/All cassettes: orgy inside Soundwave's chest - As the noise escalated and he caught the attention of every mech in the meeting, all Soundwave could do


"Oy. Oy, Rumble!"

"Gwah! Nng, 's goin' on, Frenzy?"

"How're your vents?"

"They're fine, why?"

"Ya didn't even check! Try cyclin' 'em, ya moron."

"... huh. They're a li'l clogged up. Actually a lot clogged up. Primus, that feels disgusting."

"Yeah, mine're like that too. 'S nasty."

"But we just got the filters cleared up a couple joors ago, didn't we? They shouldn't need changin' for orns!"

"Yeah, but Soundwave went on a mission t'day, right? Maybe that's got somethin' ta do with it"

"Uh, dunno. Guess so? Hey. Hey Ratbat! Wake up, mini-glitch!"

"Oof! Owwww, why'd you hit me, Rum'le? Was having a good nap!"

"Whatever, Ratbat. Hey, did the boss man go out on a mission today?"

"Umm, yeah, Daddy went out an' he beat up Autobots an' he let me watch 'cause, he says I should know how to-!"

"Okay, okay, whatever, Ratty, we just wanted a yes 'r no answer. 'S not like we're askin' you for a life history or nothin'."

"... You're mean, Fren'y. I'm tellin' Daddy on you."

"Pssh, yeah. What're you gonna tell 'im? That yer a whiny sparkling?"

"Rumble! Not a sparkling! Stop bein' such a sucky meanie!"

"Awww, does li'l sparkling Ratty-batty need a hug? Is 'e gonna cry?"

"Not cryin'! Just... can't breathe right. Fren'y ... Rum'le... I can't breade!"

"Mm, only organics breathe, Ratbat. But I believe all of us are having problems with our vents."

"Ravage?"

"Oy, did we wake ya, Rav?"

"Hn. Although you two yammering like heathens is difficult enough to recharge through, I'm used to your noise by now. It's this organic waste clogging up my intakes that woke me, really. I think it's been building up ever since our creator sent Ratbat and I out this morning."

"Organic stuff? I didn't think organics got small enough to fit in our vents."

"What, did the bossman vapourize a squishy or somethin'?"

"No, not a squishy, Rumble. Haven't you two done any research about the planet we're on?"

"Uh, Rav? Yer talkin' ta us remember?"

"Ah yes, I forgot. You two would much rather be wrestling and spewing sarcasm every which way. Primus forbid you ever sit down and learn things."

"Heh. Damn straight!"

"Hee. Rum'le an' Fren'y 're stooooopid."

"Geez, Ratbat, I'd tell ya ta shaddup, but ya sound even more retarded than we are."

"Mmr... I dun feel so good, Fren'y. 'S all stuffy in my head."

"I'd assume that Ratbat's design is the least able to cope with the organic particles floating in the air. I believe that the local fauna use this 'pollen' for reproduction. It's a primitive method of creation, and rather disgusting, actually."

"Reproduction? Hey wait a minute..."

"HAH. Hey, Ratbat! You know what that means?"

"... no?"

"Oh Primus, Rumble, don't you start-"

"Why doncha listen up an' we'll tell ya, Ratty. Ya see, when a mech an' a femme love each other very much..."

Something was going on inside Soundwave's chest. It hadn't been immediately noticeable at the beginning of the meeting, but as time progressed, the soft murmurs emanating from the blue mech's tape-deck had gotten louder. Only two other mechs were in the room (well, technically three, but Shockwave was only here through a vidscreen projection). Soundwave himself was stoically ignoring the noise, and Shockwave and Megatron were too involved in battle plans to notice anything but their plotting. Still, Starscream kept shooting glances in Soundwave's direction.

As the murmers were joined by clicking and soft wheezing, Soundwave began tapping the fingers of his hand against his knee, a sure sign that he was getting worried... but what about? If he'd been anyone else, Starscream would have said that the mech looked antsy, but everyone knew that Soundwae was one of the most patient Decepticons on the Nemesis.

After a particularly clear wheeze, Starscream couldn't hold his curiosity in any longer. He turned his head away from the vidscreen to catch Soundwave's gaze, raising an eyebrow in a silent query. In response, the blue mech shrugged, seeming almost... embarrassed? He rubbed the front of his tape deck in a self-conscious sort of way, then suddenly froze. His optic ridges rose ever so slightly, and his posture tensed, panic seeming to roll off of him in waves.

Several loud sputtering sounds suddenly rang through the air, followed by a grating series of clanks. It sounded like someone trying to start a truck, and failing miserably. As the noise escalated and he caught the attention of every mech in the meeting, all Soundwave could do was stare at the table in utter mortification.

Megatron and Shockwave both turned their heads.

"Is something the matter, Soundwave?"

Before the communications officer could answer, something vaguely pink and brown splattered against the clear glass of his tape deck. From the inside.

Megatron raised an optic ridge and opened his mouth to speak. He was, however, cut off by a burst of static and a wail that crackled along the comm-lines.

"DADDEEEEEE! I DUN WANT TREES HAVIN' INDERFACIN' ORGIES ID BY DOOOOOOOSE! GET 'EM OUT! GET'EMOUTGET'EMOUTGET'EMOOOOOOOU-*kssht*"

Megatron's mouth snapped shut with a click and Soundwave 'coughed' discretely, whirring his intakes as his optics dimmed with embarrassment.

"Ratbat ... requires medical attention after today's mission."

"Hmm, I can see that."

At this point, Starscream had fallen off of his seat and was rolling on the floor, laughing hysterically. Megatron had a straighter face, but the corner of his mouth was twitching upwards in a suspicious manner and even Shockwave's single optic was flickering with amusement.

Soundwave sighed internally. He was never going to live this one down.

"Permission to take Ratbat and the other cassettes to the medbay?"

"Well we can't exactly continue our meeting if your cassettes are leaking lubricant all over the place, now can we?"

Megatron paused for a moment in consideration

"Will half a cycle be enough time to see to their maintenance, Soundwave?"

"Affirmative."

"Then we'll meet in half a cycle's time."

He dismissed the meeting with a wave of his hand, and Soundwave hurriedly not-quite-ran out the door of the conference room, making a note to remind Ratbat about the difference between private and publically accessible comm-link transmissions later.


End file.
